Tag Archives: relationships

Is She Your Mother? Explaining my Same-Sex Relationship to a Child

Well…it’s been happening more and more often, now that we have children. Other children, seeing us with our twin boys, ask the inevitable. “Who’s babies are they?”, or “Which one is yours?” Children who don’t know us look at us quizzically – back and forth, trying to make sense of it all.

Tonight, we had family visiting us from Texas. Our sweet 7 year old niece K was quietly watching Steph and I, and she looked utterly confused when I called out several times to my “honey”. Finally, she couldn’t take it any more.

“Is she your mom?”, K asked me, while she floated in the pool.  I quickly gloated (I’m so blessed to look so youthful) and then said “Nope.”

FamilyPhotoBeach

Oh my! I look so youthful, it’s almost embarrassing.

 

“Should I say more?”, I thought. But I distracted myself with keeping the boys upright in the pool.

I didn’t need to wait long before the next question came.

“Do y’all live here together?”

“Oh yes”, I said. And made funny faces at the boys.

More swimming and silence. I continued to gloat about my youthful charm.

“What is she, then?”, K asked me.

I had to tell her then. “She’s my partner.”

With no pause, she asked “What kind of partner?”

“My life partner.”

“Oh.” She nodded, like she understood.

But the thing is, she didn’t understand. She was truly trying to make sense out of everything, and I was not being helpful in the least. In fact, I was being rather obstructionist.

It really bugs me that I didn’t have the hutzpah to tell her what Steph and I are to each other. To take this experience and turn it into a teaching moment and explain to K about how two women can love each other, or two men, and that there are all different types of families, and that they are all beautiful. That God, or spirit, or whatever you believe in, doesn’t make mistakes. To show her that we are just like other families. To help plant the seed of tolerance, so that it spreads.

K is a very sweet girl, but ignorance breeds hostility, and if we can show others that we’re normal, loving, parents that are no different than their own parents, then that’s probably about the most important thing we can do.

But, I didn’t say or do any of these things. Instead, I continued to float in the pool, acting like I had no elephant to address in the room.  Why did I sit there floating, like a spineless idiot?

Honestly, I’m shy about all of this. I feel like it’s not my place to explain it – that it’s their parent’s place. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries. I say that, and yet I have the gut instinct that I need to get over myself. That parents would probably prefer if I explained it in my own words. And, honestly, I really irritate myself when I am quiet about it – like there’s something wrong.

I’ve never once in my life felt like there was anything wrong with being in love with a woman, so I’m not sure where my hesitation comes from.

Thoughts?  Should I get over myself and matter of factly explain things to a 7 year old? Or should I leave that to her parents?

What do Smokey, Say Anything and Sa-weet! cars have in common?

For Steph’s 41st birthday, we decided to set up camp at the Springfield Cruise-In, and invite all our fabulous family and friends.  Once a month, hundreds of classic cars, ghetto cars, souped-up cars and various what-not converge on Main Street. It’s fun to camp out on the sidewalk and watch the crazy go by. Or, to be a part of the crazy. But that’s another post.

Saturday afternoon, we packed up for the event. Lurch and Lester were both stuffed to overflowing. Our mail person, who knows us dearly, saw all our CRAZY AMOUNTS of camping gear and asked excitedly “How long are you gone until?”. Steph looked down and said “Til tonight.” Shrugs. This is just ONE of the trucks, packed.

Lester, packed to the gills.

Lester, packed to the gills.

Lots of great friends and family showed up. We CONVERGED on that parking lot, y’all. It was ours for the evening. You can see Steph in the background in the hat behind the 532 beer coolers.

parkinglot

We had corn hole for the younguns’. Here’s our friend Andy and his son. Andy works on Lester and Lurch to keep them running smoothly. I tease that we’ve provided the funding for their son’s college education. We love them. They’re good peeps.

Andy

Here we are on Lurch, posing for the passersby. Hot cars and hot babes!

TrioStephsParty

The boys were great – they partied til about 9pm. Their ties were a last minute addition. Hopper’s is a spatula. Pic does not do it justice.

BoysStephsParty

Later in the evening, we took a walk around to gawk at the cars. Just me, Steph, Rachelle, and The Boyz. We needed tunes, so we brought our boombox.

BoomBoxRachelle

We may or may not have blasted Run DMC and Beastie Boys as we walked down Main Street. Mostly, the sound emanated mysteriously from the stroller, because I hid the speaker in the stroller visor. We had entirely too much fun with our boombox.

Is there a business opportunity in recreating epic movie scenes?

SayAnythingRedux

SayAnythingHeatherAndSteph

PS. WTF? Why is she smiling? She’s supposed to be full of angst and teenage pathos. Jeez. She almost looks proud.

PPS. Discount Beverage sign behind us. It’s like too good to be true. This picture is totally perfect.

If you haven’t been to a cruise-in, PLEASE GO. The people watching is unbeatable. And people just come up to you like you’re biffles. Here’s Stacy and Tracy. “We’re twins, too!”, they said. “Take our picture!” Or something like that. I’m kind of not sure I believe them, but I felt drawn to them…

StacyAndTracy

WAIT A MINUTE. That guy on the right totally reminds me of Smokey. OEMGEE!!! I met Smokayyy!!!

If you don’t like my favorite eff word, don’t click, y’all.

Ok, in all seriousness, we were there for the cars. Guess which one was my favorite? I’ll give you one guess only. It may have been on hydraulics.

CarsAtCarShow

 

We had a fantastic night. Thanks to all of our friends and family for coming and making the amazing Stephanie Shaar’s birthday so much fun. We love you! Can’t wait for a repeat next year! Oh, and next month, we’re ditching the 5-ton grill. We decided we’re just bringing the fire pit and errbody can char their own hot dogs and s’mores. Veggie dogs for moi. Can’t wait!

It’s time to PAR-TAY

I have an addiction. I am planning about 4,327 parties right now. Apparently, this is me these days:

Parties coming up that I’m planning?

The Drink Champagne and Dance On Tables Party:

Great Gatsby Soiree

What’s the party? I’m about to turn 40 {Can. Not. Comprehend.} That, coupled with the fact that I feel this innate need to earn a shit-ton of money for the Down Syndrome Association of Jacksonville, has turned my sweet little party into a full-on 1920’s dress-up bash, complete with a silent auction, a Charleston dance contest, and a live band, if we can fit them. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO? I somehow need to find the time to solicit for *important stuff* for the silent auction.

The “Steph Turns 41, is having a mid-life crisis and bought a slick sportscar” Party, Wherein we bring both our old cars and cruise up and down Main Street in Springfield. JUST LIKE WE DID WHEN WE WERE TEENAGERS. Except this time, there will be no wine-coolers involved. This happens tomorrow. Should be fun!

LeLurch

 

Third big party? The boys’ first birthday, which is right around the corner! I was planning on doing a mustache bash, but the mustachioed items are a bit trite these days, and honestly driving me bonkers. So, how about a Punk Rock Baby theme? Check out this ridiculous baby party. There’s a fruit mohawk coming out of a styrofoam head!! Gah, the perfect thing for a 1 year-old birthday party! Keepin’ it real, folks.

Any other “different” party ideas for 1-year-old twins? I have time to get this right, and have a ton of fun! I’m not into traditional baby stuff. I want something memorable!

That’s all I’ve got for tonight. Looking forward to sharing Steph’s party, tomorrow !