The boys are 14 months old now, and shit just got hard. Seriously, I thought having two infants was going to be the challenging part of the twins experience. During the boys’ first year, I met lots of experienced twin moms who all told me the same thing – “Don’t worry…hang in there…it gets easier.” THEY LOOKED ME IN THE FACE AND LIED!
Babies are a breeze. Having twin toddlers is NO JOKE, FOLKS.
You want proof? I’ve got proof.
First, babies are immobile. You put them somewhere, and they stay there! Here is photographic evidence of the immovability of babies.
Now, every picture I take is a blur.
Also, because of their newly mobile selves, you have to booby trap your house. And even when you booby trap it, they still do contraband things like stand up perilously on their wagon – the concrete floor reflecting ominously back at you.
What else? Babies are also more portable than toddlers. Tuck those sleeping little angels in a quiet spot at a restaurant, and you’re usually golden. The first year, we went on 4 plane rides, to countless restaurants, and all over the ever-lovin city of Jacksonville.
With toddlers? GAMES UP. You can no longer go where normal people go. You are a prisoner in your own home. Now, when we think about going anywhere indoors, I become like a frightened animal. My eyes get wide, and I envision all the scenarios.
Proof that I’m not making this shit up – We got kicked out of our first restaurant last month! I’ve managed to go my whole 40 years behaving sweetly in restaurants. 13 months into having twins, and the owner of the new vegan-friendly restaurant that we go to comes to our table and admonishes to me “If they keep acting like that, I’m going to have to ask you to do what I did when my babies were young, and take them outside.”
August was constipated and was loudly telling the restaurant about his troubles. Sigh. He charms you with his smile, but DON’T BELIEVE HIM!
Toddlers are also violent. August does NOT like my curly hair, and so he tries to pull it out, ringlet by ringlet. He also doesn’t like my glasses, and gets a resolve of steel until he pulls.them.off.my.face. Then, I am blind. Which is probably better, honestly.
I’d write more, but these days my attention span is shot to hell and my ability to put together a coherent sentence is suspect. So I’ll stop at that.
To all those moms who told me it gets easier, cheers! I think it’s a survival thing – like DON’T TELL THE NEW MOM THAT IT GETS HARDER. SHE’LL FREAK. I’m actually glad you lied to me so that I could be oblivious during that first year.
Like in this pic….little did I know. I look so glowy and dare I say….refreshed. 🙂 Love my little bugs!